Listen to the world’s best poetry read out loud.

– article on preproduction for the Harry Potter movie, New York Post, August 2000

Claw up. Claw down. Cut.
My fine eyes. My fine eyes are – Cut.

I was fluffed & plucked, like a beauty-pageant winner,
Between takes. Like a news presenter.
Could I be a news presenter?

Rider: 5 rashers bacon. 8-oz. tin mixed nuts.
2 lbs. rabbit fillets. Assorted drupes.

Between takes, I did leg-lifts in my trailer.

If asked what is your most treasured possession, I would say
The woolly toy Tracy, my personal trainer, gave me when young.
I learnt to spy it from afar, then swoop down & seize,
But only on cue. Mr Sheep goes everywhere with me now.

If I could wake up having gained one ability,
It would be the capacity for more facial expression.
It is so tedious to have one’s beak set in a permanent frown.

My greatest talent is impersonation
To simulate a person’s idea of an owl.
Sadly, I owe my success to typecasting.

My greatest fear is to be found wanting.

At the premiere party, the women were not very clothed.
It is of advantage to be clad always in feathers.

I allowed fake friends to pet me.
My picture was taken several times with the boy.
I enjoy parties because otherwise I see only Tracy.
Afterwards, you wonder what the glitter was for.