This poem is about euphemisms; or, a particular euphemism. I don't think I use them that much when talking about death. I feel quite comfortable saying 'my daughter died' or 'the death of my daughter', and this is about one particular day when I did use this particular euphemism; but as soon as I heard myself say it, I was struck by how inadequate it was.

Lost

Walking with my baby in the park and slowing for someone

I hadn’t seen in years, I heard myself interrupting coos

to say, You know I lost my first child, don’t you?

 

As if there were a possibility she might turn up again,

with my glove or best pen. That a sweep of the sofa

might reward me her hand, then body, pulled from the gap

 

between cushions. As if all I did was lose sight of her.

That an anxious scan of sand could bring her into focus,

squat and peering at shells. As if I could swear

 

I had hold of her earlier, that a frantic spill of my bag

would bear lip gloss, chewing gum, keys and I’d be

unable to explain, apologising for my dreadful mistake.

 

As if one day, I could run from my house, screaming ‘Found!’

Lift her for the whole road to see, shouting ‘Here she is! Here she is! She is here!’

from Her Birth (Carcanet/Northern House, 2013), © Rebecca Gioss 2013, used by permission of the author and the publisher.

Rebecca Goss has described poetry as ‘an invitation to look very closely at something’, and her refined, spare style certainly supports ...
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