Poetry Archive Now Wordview 2020: The Only Spider I Ever Loved
by Merrie Joy Williams
This poem was inspired by the death of George Floyd, and all the Black Lives Matter deaths protests and video footage – which were so prevalent during 2020 lockdown months. Through oddly juxtaposing the irrational fear of black people (racism) and spiders (arachnophobia), it explores alternative behaviours available to potential perpetrators – and the perspective of persons living with the knowledge that their lives might not be valued.
Poetry Archive Now Wordview 2020: The Only Spider I Ever Loved
The only spider I ever loved was sitting in the kitchen sink, after my night’s meditation in the outside porch, two of its long black legs probing enamel sides. I cannot lie. I’ve killed many spiders in my time, but that night, after the neck and the knee, on repeat, repeat, my only thought was: what would black Jesus do?
I cloched a see-through tumbler over, placed a strip of card under, walked gingerly beneath fluorescent light, as if leading him away from Death’s boarding gate. Threw him into the grass outside, where a cat, not long before, had crawled along the fence and sat in the rays of my meditative gaze in the darkness. Legs tucked beneath the cushion of her comfort, she’d basked in the throb of my mantra.
The only spider I ever loved scrambled into the weeds, where the only cat I ever inspired had sat; left one of her lives for the spider to find in the grass. And sometimes, when I don’t find the time to meditate – a way to take a break from life’s suffocations – I envy that cat, who basked in my calm. And the spider – who did not know how rare such mercy was. Or that his life had been in danger.
Recording provided as part of Poetry Archive Now: Wordview 2020. Used by permission of the author.
A special thank you to our WordView 2020 poets.
Chair of the Judging Panel, Imtiaz Dharker, says: “The hundreds of entries we received blew in to the Archive like a breath of pure, unpolluted air from all over the world, revealing something of the time we are living in, some telling it straight, some slant. It was exciting to check in to the Poetry Archive’s Youtube channel every morning and come upon one unexpected voice after another."
See the collectionWatch the full Wordview 2020 playlist