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Poetry Archive Now Wordview 2021: A Kilo of Sugar is always a Kilo of Sugar
by Hannah Hodgson
During the pandemic I've had phone calls from a health professional stating that I wouldn't receive treatment should I contract Covid, and that I should consider getting a Do Not Resuscitate Order. This became known as The DNR Scandal by BBC News when they were breaking the story a year on. It left the news cycle within 24 hours. 'Long term conditions' means a sigh of relief when COVID deaths are reported. Hayfeaver is also a long term condition.
Poetry Archive Now Wordview 2021: A Kilo of Sugar is always a Kilo of Sugar
I’m told to take my life like medicine, to dissolve life
in orange squash, and that life in bicarbonate of soda
can easily get stains out. That life doesn’t just happen,
that life is a series of decisions; and if it came to my life
or a healthy person’s, doctors can choose any life over my life,
because the quality of my life has been undervalued.
How they prise apart segments of my life like a satsuma.
How they feast on my life inside textbooks, how important
my life sounds until DNR forms blare like smoke detectors.
They’ll watch life leave me and do nothing to stop her –
not a single hard knock on my chest calling her back:
life life life life life
you can’t leave me, you’re all I have – if you go
all I’ll become is an empty house, no an empty street,
no, an empty human. When I lose my life
it’ll be labelled a lesser evil. Why can’t they invite my life
to a meeting? Why can’t they let my life decide
whether or not to sign those papers?
Nobody understands how easily life can disappear.
The other terminal girls remind me not to trust doctors,
to read my medical records. We know how simple it is to die –
no food, no water, no medication, a couple of weeks
life life life life life life
will one day escape me, because now the door’s now open.
Poem recorded as part of Poetry Archive Now: Wordview 2021. Used by permission of author.
A special thank you to our WordView 2021 poets.
Chair of the Judging Panel, Imtiaz Dharker, says: "An idea that began as a response to the world shutting down has, joyfully, become a way to invite the whole world in. It has been exciting to see the entries come in from different countries, from marginalised voices, from people of all backgrounds who now know this space belongs to them. My fellow judges and I were struck by the immediacy of experience and commitment to language in the winning entries. It's also good to think that the rest of the entries will continue to be seen as an invaluable record of our times."
See the collectionWatch the full Wordview 2021 playlist