Swallow Twice

Given the smallest prompt / Father will describe 

how I skulked just beyond the lamplight’s reach 

 

watching the ring of men / ripe with beer and laughter 

push thick fingers into the mountain of spiced meat 

 

roasted with onions / ginger and chillies like an altar 

I fought to worship at / swiping through their arms 

 

at the chunks / a mouse attempting to feast 

with kings / Frustrated / father stopped their speech 

 

so I could reach in / greedily choose the choicest piece 

ignore his warnings and tear at the muscle / strain 

 

against the flesh till its elasticity slipped my fingers 

and the chunk / chillies and all slapped into my eyes. 

 

Father thumped my back as I coughed on the pepper 

/ swallow twice / he urged / dropping the wailing mess 

 

of me on Mother’s knees / What Father didn’t know 

is I imagined the key to their impenetrable talk 

 

lay in the cubed meat and I longed to be like them 

 

In the circle of friends I have / most of our conversations 

revolve around music / the heft and sway of the changing 

 

world / the rapid rate of our redundance / how best 

to pretend we know it all and when beer loosens 

 

what inhibitions are left after shredding meat 

with bare fingers / laughter cloaks our weaknesses 

 

our inability to provide for those we love / who love us 

we who still know nothing of what our lovers want 

 

how frightening it is to have nephews growing up 

who want to be like us / who want to be like men 

from The Wire-Headed Heathen (Akashik Books, 2015), © Inua Ellams 2015, used by permission of the author

Inua Ellams was born in Nigeria and is now based in the UK, where he has become one of the UK’s most recognised cultural icons. He is ...

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