Listen to the world’s best poetry read out loud.

Are you my drunk teacher who took our game of rounders way too 

seriously? Are you the boy who said I had the ugliest smile on the 

playground? Are you the girl who toe punted my balls and made me 

a piss sack of blood? the girlfriend who slept with women behind my 

back, said it wasn’t cheating? I don’t know what I’m saying, would 

you be my friend? I spent hours in the house alone as a child. I left 

fingerprints on my sister’s CDs so the music kept skipping! I wanted 

her friends to be my friends but I wasn’t invited to her parties. Are you 

the party? Are you my Dad lying on the sofa, saying I’ll soon be dead? 

When I pull ‘What is Existentialism?’ off my mother’s shelf Simone 

De Beauvoir says The movement of my transcendence appears futile. I 

don’t know what that means so I put it back, fuck! Who loves me? I’m 

testing everyone! I need space for all my old and new gooey needs and 

projections, I need constant blaring validation alarms, give me award 

ceremonies, please observe my wall of fame. Best Second-Guessing 

Over Achiever, Best Internal Monologue While Drying Dishes, Best 

Self-Promoter at the Charity Fundraiser, Best Awkward Silence in a  

Moving Vehicle, Best Bad Advice to a Couple in Crisis, Best Non- 

Smoker in the Smoking Area, Most Self-Centred Fear during the Global 

Pandemic, Lifetime Achievement Award for Most convincing Head 

Nod In a Crowded Pub, Most Triggered Person In An Empty House