I Ran Away from Home to see how long it’d take my Mother to Notice
I Ran Away from Home to see how long it’d take my Mother to Notice - Raymond Antrobus
I Ran Away from Home to see how long it’d take my Mother to Notice
Are you my drunk teacher who took our game of rounders way too
seriously? Are you the boy who said I had the ugliest smile on the
playground? Are you the girl who toe punted my balls and made me
a piss sack of blood? the girlfriend who slept with women behind my
back, said it wasn’t cheating? I don’t know what I’m saying, would
you be my friend? I spent hours in the house alone as a child. I left
fingerprints on my sister’s CDs so the music kept skipping! I wanted
her friends to be my friends but I wasn’t invited to her parties. Are you
the party? Are you my Dad lying on the sofa, saying I’ll soon be dead?
When I pull ‘What is Existentialism?’ off my mother’s shelf Simone
De Beauvoir says The movement of my transcendence appears futile. I
don’t know what that means so I put it back, fuck! Who loves me? I’m
testing everyone! I need space for all my old and new gooey needs and
projections, I need constant blaring validation alarms, give me award
ceremonies, please observe my wall of fame. Best Second-Guessing
Over Achiever, Best Internal Monologue While Drying Dishes, Best
Self-Promoter at the Charity Fundraiser, Best Awkward Silence in a
Moving Vehicle, Best Bad Advice to a Couple in Crisis, Best Non-
Smoker in the Smoking Area, Most Self-Centred Fear during the Global
Pandemic, Lifetime Achievement Award for Most convincing Head
Nod In a Crowded Pub, Most Triggered Person In An Empty House
from All The Names Given (Picador, 2021), © Raymond Antrobus 2021, used by permission of the author