This is called 'Yes, I'll Marry You, My Dear', and I'm glad to say it seems to be used at lots of weddings these days. I can't think why.
Yes, I’ll Marry You, My Dear
Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear, and here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed when the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking and it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see, and you investigate.
Yes I’ll marry you, my dear, you may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes it’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me it’s you that has to whack him.
Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear, you’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty, you can help to keep it clean.
And that little sexy dinner which you served by candlelight,
As I just do chipolatas, you can cook it every night!
It’s you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got the PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages, but none of them for you,
And so before you see the light, I do, I do, I do!
'Yes, I'll Marry You, My Dear' read by the author from Pam Ayres The Broken Woman (Hodder Audiobooks, 2008), original text copyright Pam Ayres 1997, from With These Hands (Weidenfeld and Nicolson, 2008, used by permission of the author