In The Air
In The Air - Celia A Sorhaindo
In 2017, my island home Dominica, and other countries, were struck by devastating category five hurricane Maria. It was a traumatic time but there was love, caring and togetherness too. Writing poems like this one, In The Air, helped me work through the complex, conflicting, and confusing mix of emotions and thoughts. It turned out to be an empowering act, which gave me a lot of joy and release. Also, the transmutation of something aesthetically beautiful being created from the debris and devastation, was life-affirming; and to paraphrase Kamau Brathwaite, I, too, believe art can come out of catastrophe.
In The Air
After the hurricane,
my grandmother,
in her basement storeroom,
hunkered down,
knelt
her knees raw with prayer
the whole long long lashing tail of night, then
ascended slippery stairs
hoping by holy intervention
her home had been saved.
She stared from room to room,
swaying like a punched drunk spirit,
mouth and eyes wide black holes of disbelief,
words gone as wounds appeared.
She walked on water,
treading over eighty years of floating debris,
then could do no more than silently thank
her saviour over and over for sparing her life.
After the hurricane,
after Mass,
tales of rampant looting
circled among them like hungry dogs;
after the turned-inside-out but still well
clothed congregation, still
silent, had shared signs of peace.
No one appeared to conjure and divide
loaves and fishes between some people;
divided by good and bad luck or circumstance;
divided by ability or will to pad and prepare,
concrete seal, pantry stock, insure against calamity.
But having enough or not enough saved,
surely meant little then,
after all none were saved
from that almighty
hurricane that reined in our poor
island and had everyone drowning.
After the hurricane,
came the crazed lines for food…
for any kind of fuel;
came the tell-tail spoors
of rats and roaches tracking rubbish;
dank despair
threading desperation through the dark.
At night my grandmother floated
in and out of light, nightmare-laden, sleep,
waiting for the chain rattle
of locked door;
for the bark signalling predators
had come for what little she had left.
She prayed for enough strength and grace
to give the strangers what they came to take.
After the hurricane,
she said sometimes it felt
like man eat man survival,
every woman for herself.
Who had time, air, breath, breadth enough,
to free dive deep and long enough,
to understand
then these heads heaped,
backs breaking,
carrying stolen mud-crusted sofas, sinks,
spirits,
through debris to homes
miraculously still standing?
To understand then the tragic
improvised or organised
bacchanal trashing of schools and stores?
Who could explain anything then?
Understand or explain anything now!
When she was able,
my grandmother told me
about after the hurricane.
Months later I flew home
and stood stone still
in the ruin of her home,
alone.
I thought
fear
faith,
had been uncovered,
illuminated, as I watched
a mass of untethered particles
air-floating in the beam of
my head
lamp, from floor all the way above
my head
to the star spored heavens.
from Guabancex (Papillote Press, 2020) and collected in Radical Normalisation (forthcoming Carcanet, 2022), © Celia Sorhaindo 2020, used by permission of the author and the publisher